Car journeys lasting longer than an hour, when the boys were small, used to be my definition of hell.
As we pulled away from home last week, I looked at them in the back, surrounded by enough electronic devices to stock a small JB-HiFi, and remembered the bum and mind-numbing journeys of my childhood. I tried to tell them, but they just looked at me with pity while inserting their earphones. Sigh.
Judge away, but the peace these electronic devices brings cannot be underestimated. Once we are sure it’s safe (i.e. no eavesdroppers) TS and I have some of our best chats.
But best of all is gazing out of the window, watching the breathtaking Australian scenery go by, the rhythmic sound of tyres over tarmac lulling me to sleep.
Obviously, this tranquillity never lasts.
Pulling over to change drivers, I marvelled again at the scenery, chanting my usual “Can you believe we live here?” mantra.
(Which frankly, TS is bored with hearing.)
I readied the camera.
TS announced he needed a pee.
Expecting him to dodge behind a tree I took aim with the lens.
Here was a man in need of some communing with nature.
He peed next to me.
Face pressed against the car window, CM exclaimed “Urgh…look at the mess he’s making!” (He is his father’s son after all).
Racing back to the car, narrowly avoiding the piss pool spreading out on the dusty ground, I lamented again my existence as the lone female in the House of Trouser.
Another 2 hours passed. The boys eyes were now fully rectangular and they were whingeing intermittently…”how much further?”, “can I have a snack?” etc.
I returned to window-gazing hoping the peaceful landscape would help me drown out the moaning.
We began to pass signs about fruit flies…What the what the?
And then we saw the road block.
For confiscating fruit and vegetables.
I tried to banter with the “fruit officer” as I handed over our apples and bananas.
Unsmiling, she barked: “Do I need to search the rest of the vehicle?”
I was borderline hysterical with giggles as I said no.
AND THEN I spotted another contraband item.
TS could not have sounded more English as he exclaimed:
“NOT THE CUCUMBER FOR THE GIN!!!!”
The fruit officer’s face was a picture.
Poms on the road, eh?
Do you love or loathe road trips?