Mother

How do you feel safe when the person you are supposed to trust the most, you trust the least?

How do you love¬†yourself when the one person who is meant to love you unconditionally, can’t?

How do you cope when the person you share your secrets and fears with, tells others?

How do you feel when you discover that not every child is thrashed for stealing hundreds and thousands from the cooking cupboard?

How do you feel when you see hatred in her eyes?

How do you feel when you try to explain to those around you that you have chosen to separate yourself from her?

How do you explain to your children that you chose not to have her in your life?

How do you cope with the loss and grief that you feel, still?

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The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

So cute!

He looks cute, doesn’t he? (the rabbit, not Cheeky Monkey, who is TOTALLY cute).

His name is Billy and he was CM’s surprise 8th birthday present. He arrived with his brother, Night, who was Boy Wonder’s surprise 11th birthday present.

Billy was a lot smaller than his brother and brought out the maternal instinct in all of us. Aaahhh, we thought.

Until this:

BunnyLove

“Look Mum, Night is giving Billy a piggy back”.

“Um, oh, yes. ” EEEEEKKKK!!!

The Saint panicked.

“Check they are definitely two males” he yelled down the phone “We don’t want any bloody babies!” (we don’t? oh yes, of course we don’t – sigh).So that was how I came to know what a rabbit’s penis looks like (a string of pink spaghetti since you ask).

The boys (helpfully assisted by Boy Wonder’s sex education classes in the UK) soon cottoned on to what Billy was actually trying to do.

I hoped it was a phase.

I called the pet shop where we bought the bunnies. “It’s a domination thing, it will pass.” the owner said.

That was a month ago.

Not an hour goes by without a bored looking Night being mounted by his younger, smaller brother.Billy has the stamina of yes, a duracell bunny, and is so over excited he doesn’t even care which way round Night is.

(One morning Night was sporting a fetching ‘Something About Mary’ quiff. Ew.)

Spring has sprung and all that, but my kids are not watching any more bunny porn. Especially incestuous bunny porn.

TS and I stood over the cage one morning discussing ¬†the possibility of getting Billy ‘done’.

The boys asked what ‘done’ was. In my best nonchalant voice I explained it as a small operation that would mean Billy would stop what he was doing.

Both boys stared at me in horror.

“YOU’RE GOING TO CUT HIS WILLY OFF?” they screamed.

For extra drama they had unconsciously moved their hands to cover their own precious jewels.

“Er, no.” I replied, looking to the The Saint for help, who by now had gone pale. I tried to explain but the words wouldn’t come.

It’s clearly a sensitive subject in the House of Trouser.

So, dear readers, bunny balls. Should they stay or should they go?