Mother

How do you feel safe when the person you are supposed to trust the most, you trust the least?

How do you love yourself when the one person who is meant to love you unconditionally, can’t?

How do you cope when the person you share your secrets and fears with, tells others?

How do you feel when you discover that not every child is thrashed for stealing hundreds and thousands from the cooking cupboard?

How do you feel when you see hatred in her eyes?

How do you feel when you try to explain to those around you that you have chosen to separate yourself from her?

How do you explain to your children that you chose not to have her in your life?

How do you cope with the loss and grief that you feel, still?

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14 thoughts on “Mother

  1. Oh chook, I have sooooo much I could say about this. I’m probably not telling you anything you don’t know when I say, from what you’ve written, it sounds like your mum was mentally ill in some way and because we’re a product of our family of origin the impact has been devastating, particularly now you have your own little family. On a lighter note, I thought you’d stolen a shitload of cash (hundreds and thousands of it!!) Lots of love to you. xx

  2. I really want to say what Lisa has above. I can add that hard as it is, you did the right thing, not that saying so helps ease the grief at all.
    And yes, I thought you’d stolen hundreds and thousands of dollars too at first. But I still don’t need glasses. Not at all. xxx

  3. I don’t know, but I think if you write it out and share it with others it helps. I’m still in the numbing that sucker out phase while she holds my youngest brother hostage.. actually about to pour a glass of wine and ring to organise when I can take baby bro away for his birthday… thank fuck she doesn’t have a uterus any more is all I can say.
    ox

  4. Babe…honestly, even having a mum that is mentally ill doesn’t make it feel better. I’ve often wondered why mine bothered to have me if there was never an intention to take care of me to begin with…or my sister. Then we could blame it on her illness but then again we can’t. But, I do know how you feel. xx

  5. Oh hun I honestly cannot add anything that will help because I am sitting here horrified at the thought of how you must be feeling and all I can say is I am sorry, so so sorry that you or anyone has to feel this way. Sending you lots of love xx

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