Sink or swim?

It begins with butterflies in my stomach. Pesky, annoying, fluttery buggers.

Then the familiar feeling of panic.

I sleep, fitfully, woken every so often by palpitations.

The Black Dog is sniffing around me.

My chest weighs heavy as if a block of cement is sitting where my heart and lungs should be.

I can’t breathe.

I look at my ‘to do’ list and my chest tightens further.

I reach for the cookies…1,2,3 and more.

The Black Dog yaps in my ear:

“Cancel your lunch date”

“Who needs friends?”

“Why don’t you have a day on the couch?”

I eat another cookie.

Then I hear a tiny voice.

“Go. Get your stuff and go”.

I quickly get in the car.

Within ten minutes the smell of chlorine has wrapped itself around me.

I’m gliding through the water.

Counting my breaths 1,2,3,1,2,3.

Counting my laps 10,20,30,40.

For an hour the chatter in my head stops.

The Black Dog is banished to the sidelines.

I return to the house. The ‘to do’ list is still there.

I make a start.

What do you do when the Black Dog comes? 

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8 thoughts on “Sink or swim?

  1. I run.. I get on my treadmill or out on the footpath and run- I can only manage half an hour but it is half an hour of zero thinking. I can only concentrate on my breathing and challenging myself to keep running to the next road sign.
    Plus it means I can tick “exercise” off on the to-do list!

  2. I keep things fairly simple. Keep to routine and only do the minimal. Even my running at the moment is ho hum. Seeing people makes me feel better even though it’s an effort sometimes to get out there.

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