What Would Madonna Do?

I should start by saying that I don’t think I’m THAT vain.

I get my hair done.

I shave my legs.

I pluck my eyebrows.

I moisturise, but I am not obsessed with my wrinkles, and can’t be arsed to fork out a huge amount of money on anti-aging creams.

I try not to leave the house without make-up on. Mainly out of courtesy to the local community who are easily scared.

I’m reasonably low maintenance. I mean, who isn’t post-children?

However, as I get older there are certain things creeping into my regime that I hadn’t bargained for.

I now pluck a grey hair from my brow.

I cover the grey lash with extra mascara, or get it tinted in summer.

I de-fuzz the Tom Selleck tash which my peri-menopausal hormones have bequeathed me.

But yesterday, the first day of September, the 1st day of spring, I discovered my first grey hair. And it wasn’t on my head.

Oh.dear.lord. I was not prepared for this.

When I told The Saint he smirked and kindly proffered “Well, you might as well shave it all off now”. Mmm, NOT HELPING.

Once I had recovered my breathing. I thought about the future. Getting old, gracefully. Or NOT. What would Madonna do?

I envisage her having a “vagina styler” who suggests tints or merkins.

Sadly, I have no funds for such a person in my entourage.

Or maybe she is smooth and hairless? I have a huge fear of Brazilians – waxing, not the people – so this is not an option for me.

Then I was reminded of this fabulous poem by Jenny Joseph Warning

And now, I know exactly what I shall do when the grey takes over down there.

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4 thoughts on “What Would Madonna Do?

  1. I am so hearing you. Wish I’d been following you when you posted this, it would have saved me this morning when I found my first grey pube. I’m shocked. Today I’m going to ring my Mum to ask her why she never told me this would happen. Feeling your pain hun, and as for Madonna. Something tells me she prob has hers lasered anyway for all those skimpy outfits she wears. Which is what I’m going to do if said lone pube starts to breed x

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